kō-pə-ˈse-tik

Today I had an appointment with my doctor, for some chest/back/neck pains I've been having.  During the visit she asked me a simple question, if I was experiencing any severe anxiety or depression.  To my surprise, I started to get all cloudy-eyed when she asked, no one ever has.  I had to snap out of it to answer, thinking about it more might've produced a real tear, maybe more.  I was a bit taken aback when she asked, but almost thankful at the same time.  Yes, of course I have my friends who I'm close with and want to know what's going on, but no one lately has really truly wondered how I've been or maybe they have...  Even if someone did ask, would I tell them that right now, that lately balancing a full load at work, school, driving to and from school, family, more school, friends and what little social life I have along with everything in between is sucking the happiness (if that's what it's called) right out of me... that lately I just want to stop.  I'm tired.  I want to quit school.  I want to take a vacation far away.  I want to sleep... sleep... sleep.  The way she looked at me, so honest about wanting to know, it was real & I appreciated it. 

I still smell like him.  This morning I volunteered to pick up some binders Cel forgot at Grace UMC from yesterday's camp meeting.  Came in as the choir was practicing for that Sunday's worship service and my dad's oldest living brother, Uncle Johnny, was there preparing for their Bible study session.  As soon as I said hello and gave him a hug, his scent of cologne clung to my hoodie... so much that I can still smell it on me, a whole day of events later.  That particular scent and Uncle Johnny all together remind me of his dad... my Apong Lakay.  The two of them, rarely ever in public and not looking sharp, just like Uncle this morning with his brown tweed suit, shirt and tie.  Same with my Apong, his picture on my desk as I type this, from the early 80s... brown wide-lapel coat with tan slacks, a crisp white shirt and a handkerchief peeking out of his jacket pocket. Pangs of nostalgia hit, as I very much miss him and my grandma, her in the photo standing next to him.  

Yesterday, as I was leaving my parents' place in Vallejo, it bit... 40 degrees Fahrenheit.  I know, I know... it's not much and it'll continue to get colder, but when you're used to a whole 10 degrees warmer (as it was in SF when I got there), it makes a noticeable difference.  It's more than the chilly evenings though, fall/autumn... it brings a scent much like the other seasons, yet so clearly distinct.  It's a crisp smell that reminds me of Halloween and Thanksgiving with my family, bundling up in my favorite scarf and wool coat,  a cup of hot coffee in the morning, and the 5pm darkness... It's my favorite season.  

Front

Inside

...Joel.  I found this card and felt it was for him.  Well, more like... I found this card and his birthday was next and I knew he'd appreciate it.  And yes if you're wondering, I still got him a little gift inspite of it all... because that's how I do.

This made me smile. Happy Friday!

So if life gives you lemons, you look at those lemons, shake your head no and throw those lemons back in life’s face and say: I wanted limes mothafucka! LIMES!!!  - John Mayer

The start..., originally uploaded by ccchristineeee.

Next year, definitely will be running something next year.

Erwin proposed to Amanda a couple weeks ago (hooraaaaay).  Congratulations you two!!!

Her name is Angel ;)

Side note: I did NOT ask that they get me anything. Hahaha...

On Mon, Oct 19, 2009 at 11:36 AM wrote:

Hi Chris -

We are on our way back to the ship from Puerto Vallarta.
Your mom is asking what tequilla you want Reposado or Patron or Don Julio?

Ok bye.

Dad & Mom

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Back from LA & I can't sleep.

Leo the Lion

Lovespace

Currently I'm jammin to Roza & Shred One's newest mixtape... LOVESPACE: love and space and all that fills it.  I know all you Cal heads know Roza too, so go support her & geeeett it.  Like it's even a question, it's free!